BIRDBRAIN IN THE BUSH
BIRDBRAIN IN THE BUSH
Scene: A room in a US Army base in Baghdad, Iraq. Cheap modular chairs are arranged in rows. About a dozen SOLDIERS in uniform are sitting on them. They include one black, JACKSON, one Latino, HERNANDEZ, one Japanese American, SATO, an Indian, KUMAR, and even one middle-aged Iraqi in a blue uniform. A WOMAN who looks like an executive from a TV network walks among them with a microphone.
At one side of the room are several TV cameras and a large plasma TV set, the screen of which is currently blank. At a table behind the cameras sits an officer, COLONEL MITCHELL, and a couple of G-MEN in black suits.
As the curtain lifts, the TV WOMAN is speaking.
TV WOMAN: …now, I’ll be giving you the microphone, Harris. What do you do?
HARRIS: I give a big grin.
MITCHELL (sotto voce, to G-MEN): He’s got an excellent set of teeth.
WOMAN: Right. And after you’ve said your piece, you…?
HARRIS: I give it to Jackson?
WOMAN: Only if he asks about the heat. If he asks about the war on terror, you pass it to…Mason, is that right?
MANSON: Manson. [Flexes his heavily tattooed biceps] And then I do this?
G-MAN (to MITCHELL): Do you really think this is going to go all right?
MITCHELL: Don’t worry, they’ve been very carefully selected.
WOMAN (to MANSON): Just casually. Don’t make a production out of it. [To HARRIS] But if he asks about the food, you pass it to Casco, who praises it. Right?
CASCO [The fattest man present]: If you say so…
WOMAN: I do. All right, everyone, here he comes!
[All the SOLDIERS spring to attention in sitting position, facing the screen, except for the IRAQI, who looks around, bewildered. The TV screen flickers to life. BUSH’S face appears.]
WOMAN [brightly]: Well, boys, look who’s here! Welcome, Mr. President!
BUSH: I just dropped in for a warm meal.
VOICE [heard offscreen, audible only to BUSH and the audience]: No, you fool, that was last time.
BUSH [looking petulant]: It got them cheering last time, didn’t it?
VOICE: You’re not even in the country right now.
BUSH: Yeah, what I meant was, mission accomplished, right?
VOICE: No, that was the other time, on the carrier. You forgot your flight suit.
BUSH: I had other things to think about, like my popularity ratings. This mission had better be accomplished, and fast. I need some victories to throw in the goddamn liberals’ faces. [To SOLDIERS] Well, boys, what shall we talk about?
WOMAN: Whatever you like, Mr. President. We’re at your service.
BUSH (eagerly): Really? Anyone here knows to teach me how to ride a Segway?
VOICE (wearily): Not that type of service.
BUSH: Oh. OK. How’s the war on terror going?
WOMAN [giving microphone to MANSON]: Here’s a brave soldier you can ask yourself, Mr. President. Corporal Manson.
BUSH: Hey, soldier!
MANSON: Sir!
BUSH: Y’all know why y’all are fighting terrorists, don’t you? Why we’re in Eye-rack?
MANSON: Because they hate our freedoms, sir! Because we’re spreading democracy, sir!
BUSH: And avenging nine-eleven. And God’s words to me. Remember that.
MANSON; Avenging nine-eleven, sir! God’s words, sir!
BUSH: D’ya think y’all are making worthwhile sacrifices in Eye-rack? Y’all know them liberals want y’all out.
MANSON: Yes, sir! We’re making progress, sir! And we’ll stay here until the job is done, sir! Otherwise the blood we shed will be shed in vain, sir!
MITCHELL (sotto voce): Well coached.
BUSH: Good, tell me about the last bunch of terrorists y’all killed.
MANSON: Yesterday, sir! I was at a checkpoint when this here car came up, sir! And I thought it was lookin’ kinda funny, you see, being old and rusty and all, not like a good honest American car, so I opened fire, sir! And afterwards we found only an old man and a pregnant woman in the car, and I thought I’d made a screw-up, but, ya see, it was all right, they musta been terrorists, because the officers…
WOMAN [snatching microphone, with bright smile]: Thank you, Corporal Manson. Now what would you like to ask, Mr. President?
BUSH: Can y’all tell me what signs of progress y’all can see in Eye-rack?
WOMAN: Private First Class Sato.
SATO: Yes, well, this country was in terrible shape when we came in, Mr. President. I mean, these people had nothing, you could walk ten blocks, and not spot a McDonald’s. Now, of course, we can’t actually walk ten blocks any more, but we got one right here on the base.
BUSH: That’s great! Now that’s a blow for freedom. Isn’t that right?
SATO: Yes, sir. Now, my grandma, she was in a camp for the Nisei in the war. But then she didn’t know that Coke is the American way, sir! What’s good for Halliburton is good for the nation!
BUSH: Fine, fine. How’s the heat?
SATO [confused, looks around helplessly]: Er…
WOMAN [taking microphone]: Lance Corporal Jackson would like to answer that question.
BUSH [eyeing JACKSON distrustfully]: Well, boy, I mean, soldier? Hot enough for you?
JACKSON: It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity.
BUSH: Where are y’all from, anyways?
JACKSON: New Orleans.
BUSH: You don’t say? And what do y’all think of them looters, huh? Robbing good hard working folk’s stores?
JACKSON: They should’ve been shot, sir! They’re a disgrace to the nation and to the African-American community, sir!
MITCHELL [sotto voce]: We pick ‘em well for these things. Even the nignogs. Don’t worry.
BUSH: And y’all got any complaints about the armour y’all got?
JACKSON: Sir –
WOMAN: Sergeant Harris here is all eager to answer that.
HARRIS [with big grin]: Yes, sir! We have to go to war with the army we have, not the one we wish we had, sir!
BUSH: And it’s better to fight ‘em in Eye-rack, not at home, right?
HARRIS [looking tro
ubled]: Really, sir? You think these insurgents might go attack Broken Ridge, Tennessee, otherwise?
WOMAN [hurriedly]: Mr. President, Hernandez here is ready to answer that.
BUSH: So long as we fight the terrorists in Eye-rack we aren’t fighting ‘em in the US, hey?
HERNANDEZ: Si, Senor El Presidente. We fight here an’ terrorist don’t go kill people in America. Maybe not in Puerto Rico either.
BUSH: Y’all know the liberal abortionist groups are calling for you to leave?
HERNANDEZ: Si, Senor, el padre he say abortion, eet ees…muy bad. He say abortion an’ condom work of el Devil. Gay, too.
BUSH: Good, I’m glad we think alike on that. I see we have all sorts of people here. Who’s that over there in the corner?
WOMAN: That’s our Corporal Kumar, Mr. President. From India.
BUSH: Huh, no kidding, India, eh? Glad t’see y’all in the fight for freedom. Didn’t know we had Indians in this army. Thought they didn’t want to send troops to Eye-rack.
KUMAR: Well, I joined for the citizenship. Otherwise I’d have to wait years.
WOMAN (prompting): And to take part in the war on terror.
KUMAR (hastily): Yes, that too. Every day I tell myself that I’m helping freedom by fighting here. And to those who say I’m a stooge for the Americans, I say, better be a stooge for the Americans than a free man in Bombay. America is the leader of the world, I tell them. And its President is the greatest man in the world.
BUSH: And aren’t y’all proud that y’all liberated the Eye-rackis from that Saddam?
[An explosion is faintly heard in the distance.]
WOMAN: As to that, sir, we have with us an actual Iraqi soldier who’s going to tell us how happy he is to be a part of the war on terror. [Shoves microphone in Iraqi’s face.]
IRAQI: I not spik English.
WOMAN: That’s all right, I’ll translate. What do you want to know, Mr. President?
BUSH: Ask the rag…I mean brave Iraqi ally if he’s happy about our being in Eye-rack.
WOMAN: (translates into Arabic)
IRAQI (in Arabic): Happy? I fought the Iranians for years to stop them from taking us over, and then you ask me if I’m happy to see Americans here, lording it over us, and acting as though they want to stay forever?
WOMAN: He says he thinks we should stay here for ever to protect his country from the Iranians.
BUSH: Damned right! Now isn’t that just what them liberals should hear. They’d sing a different tune then! What does he think of the new democracy?
IRAQI: What is this democracy where the Kurds and Shias get everything, the Sunnis nothing, and the government can’t get out of bed in the morning without Halliburton’s permission?
WOMAN: He thinks it’s very nice the Kurds and Shias are getting their rights and living as equals with the Sunnis, and the government’s being guided by Halliburton in the right direction. He…
[A louder explosion rattles the windows.]
BUSH: What was that?
WOMAN: Oh, just thunder. It’s the rainy season here.
BUSH: Ask him if he’s happy we liberated him from tyranny.
IRAQI (angrily): My little son was kidnapped for ransom, and I had to pay my life’s savings to get him back. My daughter wanted to be a teacher in college, but she can’t go out now without a veil without being threatened by local goons. We have no water or electricity at home, I had to take up this job to survive, and you call this liberation from tyranny? Even that butcher Saddam would have put things right in a week!
G-MAN (to MITCHELL): Get that raghead to Abu Ghraib as soon as this is over.
MITCHELL (to G-MAN): Consider it done.
WOMAN (to BUSH): Certainly he is, Mr. President. He says his daughter’s going to become a teacher, his son’s been liberated from captivity, he’s going to have water and electricity restored in his house, and Saddam was a butcher who would have killed everyone in a week. He says he joined the new Iraqi army to serve and protect the democracy which wouldn’t survive otherwise.
BUSH: And are his fellow soldiers ready to take up their combat responsibilities?
IRAQI: Ready to cut my throat if I look away for a second. And we’re always in the first line when we attack a liberated city. Without even proper armour and helmets!
WOMAN: Yes, they’re razor-sharp and they’re eager to fight their way into the terrorist-controlled areas. They don’t even need armour and helmets.
BUSH: Now isn’t that the best goddamn shootin’ thing I’ve heard all day. Even the liberals can’t say that ain’t a good thing I’ve done in Eye-rack. God’s gonna be mighty pleased with me, I can tell ya. Are y’all ready an’ eager to go fight the good fight in Eye-ran after this, boys? And after that we’re gonna take out that there See-rear guy, what’s his name…
WOMAN: You mean Bashar Assad of Syria, Mr. President.
BUSH: Yeah, that Ass-it. We’re gonna see his rear! Y’all good an’ ready to go spread freedom and democracy there, huh? Are y’all ready to stay in them foreign lands a few more years to fight for democracy, boys?
SOLDIERS (together, without enthusiasm): Yes, sir!
BUSH: That’s right! Wish them bleedin’ heart terrorist lovin’ liberals could’ve seen all this. I’m sure God’s mighty pleased with ya all, boys.
[Terrific explosion, roof falls in. Darkness, silence, dust clouds rise]
(CURTAIN)
Biswapriya Purkayastha 2005
“CINDY AND GEORGE W’
Cindy, a Mother of great moral will!
W, a mere political shill?
Cindy, a grieving Gold Star Mother!
W, a deceiving Big Brother?
Cindy, lost her soldier son Casey!
W, a developing military John Wayne Gacey?
Cindy, a son fallen for our nation!
W, always on a long vacation?
Cindy, a son who died for an Iraq lie!
W, with daughters aspiring to a Bacchus high?
Cindy, seeking a face to face meeting!
W, the truth is always fleeting?
Cindy, only meets with his lowly aide!
W, of the truth is so afraid?
Cindy, kept away on a hot and dusty gravel road!
W, hides in his abode?
Cindy, waits for months the truth to know!
W, within hours rushes to defend Rafael Palmeiro?
Cindy, her son’s
life offered!
W, just the Coward of Crawford?
Cindy, continues daily protest spectales!
W, a corporate toady with no moral test*cles?
JFK On Liberalism
I believe in human dignity as the source of national purpose, in human liberty as the source of national action, in the human heart as the source of national compassion, and in the human mind as the source of our invention and our ideas.
It is, I believe, the faith in our fellow citizens as individuals and as people that lies at the heart of the liberal faith. For liberalism is not so much a party creed or set of fixed platform promises as it is an attitude of mind and heart, a faith in man’s ability through the experiences of his reason and judgment to increase for himself and his fellow men the amount of justice and freedom and brotherhood which all human life deserves.
I believe also in the United States of America, in the promise that it contains and has contained throughout our history of producing a society so abundant and creative and so free and responsible that it cannot only fulfill the aspirations of its citizens, but serve equally well as a beacon for all mankind. I do not believe in a superstate. I see no magic in tax dollars which are sent to Washington and then returned. I abhor the waste and incompetence of large-scale federal bureaucracies in this administration as well as in others. I do not favor state compulsion when voluntary individual effort can do the job and do it well. But I believe in a government which acts, which exercises its full powers and full responsibilities. Government is an art and a precious obligation; and when it has a job to do, I believe it should do it. And this requires not only great ends but that we propose concrete means of achieving them.
>Our responsibility is not discharged by announcement of virtuous ends. Our responsibility is to achieve these objectives with social invention, with political skill, and executive vigor. I believe for these reasons that liberalism is our best and only hope in the world today. For the liberal society is a free society, and it is at the same time and for that reason a strong society. Its strength is drawn from the will of free people committed to great ends and peacefully striving to meet them. Only liberalism, in short, can repair our national power, restore our national purpose, and liberate our national energies.
What do our opponents mean when they apply to us the label “Liberal?” If by “Liberal” they mean, as they want people to believe, someone who is soft in his policies abroad, who is against local government, and who is unconcerned with the taxpayer’s dollar, then the record of this party and its members demonstrate that we are not that kind of “Liberal.” But if by a “Liberal” they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind, someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions, someone who cares about the welfare of the people — their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights, and their civil liberties — someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicions that grip us in our policies abroad, if that is what they mean by a “Liberal,” then I’m proud to say I’m a “Liberal.”
President John Fitzgerald Kennedy
http://www.geocities.com/amliberal/jfkliberal.html
Every morning, when I first get in to work, I like to start the day with what has become something of a morning ritual. I like to visit a few of my favorite websites. One of these websites is Daryl Cagle’s Professional Cartoonists Index [www.cagle.com], a site which features political cartoons by some of the most prominent political cartoonists of the day.
One of these cartoonists, a Mr. Mike Lester, whos cartoons tend to be of a conservative bent, posted a cartoon today (11/30/05) which can be seen here;
http://www.cagle.com/caglecards/main.asp?image=http://cagle.slate.msn.com/working/051129/lester.gif
Since Mr. Lester’s particular section on this website includes a link to his e-mail address, I thought I’d send him a response to this cartoon. The response I sent read as follows;
The (admittedly erroneous) image of people who like to say “Merry Christmas” as being overly-religious wouldn’t be as widespread as it is if pundits such as O’Reiley, Hannity and Roberston didn’t make such a big deal out of it and let people say what they want.
But, I guess creating argument where none is necessary is how they make their money.
Rather than replying to (what I consider to be) my civil, well-worded letter with an equally valid counter-point, Mr. Lester chose instead to send the following letter to the CEO of my employer, R&R Partners;
Dear Mr. Billy Vassiliadis,
Are you aware that Junior Assistant Graphic Designer Gentile writes me everyday? He obviously has precious little to do and is madly in love with me. By the way, 12:07 est would be on the clock at R&R, would it not?
He’ll never make Senior Assistant like this.
Best,
Mike Lester
Rome News Tribune
cagle syndicate
At no time did I threaten this man’s well-being or livelihood. All I did was write a civil letter of argument, and Mr. Lester chooses to respond by making some petty, paltry attempt at threatening my employment status.
How much of an immature, despicable, mean-spirited jerk can you be?
If this displeases you, and you wish to call this man’s behavior to the attention of others, feel free to do so.
Incidentally, you can contact Daryl Cagle, the administrator of this website, at
Also, if you wish to contact Mike Lester directly, his e-mail address is